


The Spelling of Love

by DavineNaughter



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Truth or Dare, fifth fic and I still have zero clue how to tag, honestly someone help, i guess, memories of unreciprocated love, straight fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 18:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5175959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavineNaughter/pseuds/DavineNaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Excerpt: "'Dare: Kiss Phil.' I blinked and looked at the slip of paper a second time, but the letters were still there taunting me." One of the truth or dare videos rolls around, and Dan finds himself faced with what's haunting his past, faced with two little words, eight little letters, that means so much more than eight letters have a right to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spelling of Love

"Truth: What's your most embarrassing vomit related story?"

I spent the next two minutes reliving the horror of vomiting in a plant pot and how I got there. It wasn't fun, but it was definitely one of the best things in there.

"Dare: Kiss Phil." I blinked and looked at the slip of paper a second time, but the letters were still there taunting me. 

There was a K, for how it killed me. I had always loved Phil, but he thought it best to keep it platonic. He hadn't really explained himself, but I respected his privacy.

There was an I, for that phrase I wish I hadn't said that won't ever stop ringing through my head. "I love you, Phil." Or, if you want to go for a more abstract interpretation, then how his eyes looked so startled, so scared after I said it. It hurt me so much I caused him any unnecessary hassle.

There were two Ss, like this person knew just what happened. There were two different kinds of sadness in two different pairs of eyes as he said "I'm sorry, Dan, but I don't love you like that.

There was a P, for all the pain it caused that I felt this way. I had to tell Phil, I loved him too much not to. But he hasn't looked at me the same way since then. It was a few weeks ago that I told him, and it made me unhealthily sad that I could've caused him any stress.

There was an H, for the hollowness I felt when, about a month before I confessed I asked Phil, "If I asked you out, would you say yes," he had to tell me "No, Dan, no I wouldn't," and how much it looked like it hurt to say. There was so much hurt everywhere because I hurt and then that hurt him and him hurt hurt me.

There was another I, for "It's okay, Phil," when we both knew it was a lie. But I wanted it to be okay. I wish I could will away the feelings and be platonic like Phil wanted. I hated not being able to be what Phil wanted.

There was even an L, for how bloody lucky I was that Phil wasn't weirded out. He didn't cut me out. He wasn't creeped out. Phil still wanted to be my friend, he still said I was his best friend. Phil still loved me platonically, by some miracle.

Kiss Phil.

I quickly came to realize reading the words more time wouldn't make them change. My brain wouldn't think properly.

But for some reason I could feel myself /considering/ it, and getting my hopes up. Phil was my platonic friend, I couldn't kiss him. It was stupid luck he didn't leave when I said I loved him, imagine how he would react if I /kissed/ him.

I couldn't, but I wanted to. And hey, it was for the Internet, right? It was a dare, and I didn't back out of dares. Phil was a YouTuber, he couldn't really get too mad at me, right?

Phil's lips had often captivated me. I openly admitted to having stared at them for longer periods of time than was probably socially acceptable, if any time at all even was in the first place. They were so pink, and bright. They stood out to me just as much as his piercing eyes or neon black fringe over his pale face-the man was a male Snow White, I swear to the God that I don't believe in. But what always made me want to kiss them most was how soft they looked. Those two lips looked like they were made just for me, and whenever I saw them actually form my name? That's when I could barely participate in conversations, because it took my full concentration not to kiss him. Not to claim those lips as my own.

"Really? Oh, what the fuck, fine, if it's for the Internet."

Every fibre of my being was screaming at me to just edit that out and pick another dare, but my legs would stop moving. I didn't know what I was doing, but I could tell my mind had made itself up that I wasn't waiting any longer. I was going to kiss Phil.

As I realized that I was actually doing this, two things washed over me at the same time so strongly I swear there was an actual tsunami coming in from our window. First of all, I was hit with a wave of complete terror. It came with the knowledge that this would most likely completely destroy everything I had somehow managed to build with Phil. He would probably kick me out, and just the thought was nauseating. My heart rate sped up and my palms started sweating at how awful that would hurt when it inevitably happened. How I would work up the nerve to actually kiss him I could only imagine.

But I was also drowned in excitement. This is everything I had wanted for the longest time; this was something I was quite sure I needed. I had convinced myself I didn't so as not to wreck what was already there, but those were lies. I didn't want to love him, so I made those the only words I could think, despite how untrue they were. The truth, however, caught up to me, and something snapped.

When I arrived at his closed door and held up my fist to knock, I lost my nerve. No, going into his room... I could never be that brave. But how was I supposed to get him out?

"Phil?"

"What?" At his voice I was hit with all the emotions again. This was really happening. I was going to kiss Phil.

"I can't get it to work!" Phil was probably going to want me out of his life, but it was too late now. I had made my decision, and the adrenaline was feeding me confidence I didn't possess.

"Can't get what to work?" I swallowed my fear and let the excitement take over. I was going to be living the dream I had fantasized about for months, if not years.

"I'm in the bathroom!" I positioned myself outside Phil's bedroom door.

As he opened it, I gave myself no time to reconsider or back down, and I pressed our lips together.

The K was for the kiss, and all the feeling it held for me. It was everything I wanted, and everything I would ever need again.

The I was for how intense it was. It was so much more than making out with strangers at a bar, and had more pent up emotion than a casual peck between lovers.

The two Ss were for how, impossibly, Phil's lips were twice as soft as I imagined.

The P was for all the passion I had for this man whose lips were against mine. I truly loved Phil, and sometimes I doubted if he believed me. But if he couldn't feel it in this kiss then he simply didn't want to know.

The H was for how everyone always said they had the perfect harmony, and how true it rung. They're lips fit together as well as their personalities, they were the reason why the symbols of Yin and Yang have the dot of the other's colour in the middle.

The other I was for how I felt so at one with Phil. It felt like we were the same, like we were just meant to be. Like I could say "I" and it could mean both of us.

And the L was for how bloody lucky I was when I felt Phil kiss me back, when I felt the same emotions I had been trying to will away in him too.

The L was for how much we loved each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this was written with my friend Ali, but she let me put it on here because I loved it. I'm testing out an A/N at the end this time! Huzzah! How's it working? ANYWAYS I am SO sorry for anyone who likes my High School AU. I said I would have the next chapter up a week ago, and I finished it even earlier than that. I just haven't been able to type it and I'm also a lazy ass. Please forgive me. But that should be up tomorrow, if not you can yell at me. I'm not abandoning it! But I do have another chartered story up my sleeve, so stay tuned!(probably won't be formally up for a really long time as I'm trying to actually have some written before I start posting).  
> Tell me what you think of this, i guarantee that any and all feedback will be relayed to Ali! This was a lot of firsts for both of us(one shot, Dan POV, etc.) and we thought it wasn't great but people seem to like it, so... You be the judge! Toodles!  
> (Yay, I'm not dead)


End file.
